Where's the Manual for this Kid?

When you were sent home from the hospital with that beautiful new baby, they gave you some diapers & baby shampoo.

Did you get the manual?

 I looked all over for mine when I got home and that beautiful baby was screaming, but I never found it. I was in big trouble. There was no time to read the books on theory of whether to let a baby cry. I had to figure it out myself and quick. So I decided to do what I believed was right for my baby and my family.

 Later when that beautiful baby was toddling around knocking things over and biting the other toddlers, I again looked for that manual.

Nope, still not there.

What does the latest advice tell us to do? I don’t know. I’ve been too busy to read it. I needed to come up with something now. So I did, based on what made the most sense for my kid and my family.

 Over time I ran into this manual dilemma again and again;

when my 10 yr old refused to do homework, when my 13 yr old said she hated me and slammed the door, when my 16 yr old took the car without permission to go to the mall.

 What I realized eventually was that I was writing my manual as I went. And as I did that, I realized it was based on a set of rules that I could adapt as my kids grew.

 Here are the rules I followed no matter what the situation:

• I can’t do it all. I need a support network and I have to use that support network
• Kids go through stages of development physically, emotionally, and cognitively. Boundaries have to be realistic or they won’t work.
• The basis for absolutely every boundary & decision is safety and security.
• There’s a place for discipline and a place for teaching. Think about the goal of the situation, whether to stop an unsafe behavior or promote a new behavior.
• Remember the goal to raise responsible, compassionate kids. Sometimes less is more!
• No matter what boundaries I set, the key is ALWAYS sticking with them consistently. There lies one of the biggest challenges of parenting. It’s exhausting but crucial.
• Don’t give up authority when working with other authorities such as medical or educational professionals. They have expertise but no one knows my kids like I do.

 I hope that by sharing these rules I can save other parents some frustration. If you have a plan for how you’ll deal with things, it takes the emotion out of the situation and saves you from second guessing yourself; both huge energy savers in a job that takes a tremendous amount of energy! And if you have a plan, the kids have no ammunition with which to fight back…and YOU WIN!